How To Deal With Birds In Church

So, this morning there was a bat in church. Just flying around, swooping over people's head and creeping them out (I was enjoying it. Bats are cool, plus the book I just finished....with the bat inspired stuff....)

So, I decided to write this post! (Obviously.) This works with bats or birds.


1. Look at the bird. Is it a small bright red songbird with a triangle crest on its head? If no, skip to step two. If yes, then laugh at the irony, because that is a cardinal.

(Obviously, this isn't my photo.)

2. Examine said flying invader.

If the bird is flying around, then look for a door. If you have more then one door, pick the one that opens to the outside. If not, pick the one with the easiest route out. If you have more then one option, pick the biggest one. That will help them find it. You don't have to get up and shut the door right away, they don't want to come back!

If they are sitting somewhere, try and catch them. If they hop up and fly around, then yay! They're now flying. If you catch them, them yay! You now have captured the bird! (Gently) toss it out the door. (You should probably shut the door before you toss it, just to be on the safe side)

If you pick them up and they're dead, then yay! You now have a dead bird! Throw it in the trash (or you can bury it, give it a viking burial in a tiny flaming long ship. Whatever floats you boat.)

Please Note: IF YOU TOUCH A BIRD, DEAD OR OTHERWISE, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU WASH YOUR HANDS!

So now you know!

-Kat

(By the way, I'm putting this under a "funny" label because I happen to think I'm funny.)